I'm passionate about philosophy, but after having my girls I'm even more passionate about Mommy Matters

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Let's Try This Again

It has been awhile... I'll say a few things by way of explanation and then let's just put this time behind us, eh? 

Soon after my posts stopped I found out that I was pregnant with our second child - *Goose (now 5 months old). That pregnancy was more difficult in many ways than my first, with *Squeeker. I was more tired, depressed, sick, we were nervous she only had one kidney and I had to go in for more ultrasounds than the first time, etc. It was overwhelming and in some ways I wish that I would have kept writing through it because this blog always was a good outlet for me, but in the moment it was hard for me to even will myself to take Squeeker to the park, I always slept during her nap time too. That is reason number one.

Reason number two, I have had some personal family difficulties. I don't want to get too personal or whine about my privileged American life, but I will say that my biological father has had many health problems and is unsuccessfully battling cancer. My biological mother has also faced many difficulties that have been emotionally draining for me to support her through, including her and my step-father divorcing this last February (they had been married since I was 5), but she is getting better - she is slowly healing and so am I. 

Basically for a long time I've been doing a lot less of what I used to do, floating in and out of depression. I'll be candid and say that I have been going to a therapist regularly, she has been a gem and I'm grateful for her. Along with therapy, *Husband has been my base and helped me to gain perspective when my vision has been the cloudiest. I'm grateful to have such a wonderful person in my life to write this adventure with and have a family with. My girls, they have made things so much better too, but I wouldn't be completely honest if I said they haven't made things more difficult some days too. It's a good difficult though, I think. Most days when I felt like I couldn't get out of bed and all I wanted to do was disappear, they forced my attention away from myself and helped me to focus on the more important and immediate concerns of daily life. 

So, here I am again. A mother of two now, taking life one day at a time and struggling more than ever before. But I think I'm succeeding more than ever before too, because I appreciate the good more than I used to and I'm finding more ways to make my life feel happier, fuller, and stronger. 

I hope you forgive the long interlude and enjoy the new to come, I'm writing for all of you too. I'm sure I'm not the only struggling mother out there and we need to stick together! 

*I've decided to stop using my family's actual names while online and will refer to them using these substitutes. Although, Husband may appear as 'Engineer' or 'Hot One' from time to time as well. 

There are A LOT of pics to catch up on, but this is a good start: 

Squeeker is so big! (2.5 now)

Goose's Baby Blessing

I'm also still working on the Folded Pages Distillery, writing book reviews from time to time, so go there if you are looking for a good new read. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you are back. I've always enjoyed your perspectives! Thanks for being so candid. Just what I needed to read right now as I am struggling through myself. Loves!