I'm passionate about philosophy, but after having my girls I'm even more passionate about Mommy Matters

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Recovering, Little by Little

     Squeaker is just about two months old and I still feel like I am recovering, although I am pretty sure it is more of a mental recovery than a physical recovery at this point. When I first got home from the hospital Husband had to put a step stool next to the bed because I couldn't get into it on my own. I had no idea what recovering from giving birth would be like, it was impossible to cough or sneeze properly because my stomach muscles were on the fritz! The weirdest sensation I can think of was when I tried to blow my nose and I could barely force any extra air out than normal. It was also surprising how quickly my body has bounced back and recuperated. Now my body seems to be pretty much recovered, but I'm still slowly getting used to how my world works with an infant in it. I felt as though life was completely about her the last few weeks, but now I have been adding things to the equation. Reading books I've been wanting to read, watching movies I've been meaning to watch, and just trying to do something for myself during the day again (besides take a nap like I did for my 'me-time' the first couple of weeks home). 
     Little by little I am doing things that I used to enjoy once again and even expanding upon them. For instance, I used to enjoy cooking every once and awhile, but I didn't make time to try cooking new things or making a whole meal very often. I've been actively trying to put together meals now and learning new ways to do things. I am open to any recipe recommendations since I've found a new excitement about cooking full meals. When I was 
pregnant I was very tired and hardly ever felt up to cleaning or cooking, but lately I am starting to feel more like myself again. However, I have to think about what I will do with Sqeaker while I do these things. So, school and work concerns have been replaced by baby concerns and what I call "mommy matters".
     I ended up holding Squeaker while I vacuumed our apartment because she wouldn't stop crying unless I was holding her and the vacuuming actually seemed to sooth her. It made vacuuming more difficult, but much more interesting and entertaining as well. Going to the store is different too, I have been going by myself while Husband stays home with Squeaker (mostly because her pediatrician has said that she still needs to stay away from public places). Husband and I used to do the shopping together, but I guess in a way it has become my new alone time. I take my time now, perusing the clothing section and household accessories at Smiths Market Place. When I see a baby or a little kid at the store, however, I suddenly miss Squeaker like crazy even though I have only been away from home for about half an hour. 
     I can tell she already has me wrapped around her finger. She has started to manipulate me already, all she has to do is smile and I melt! It's ridiculous. When she is laying in her bassinet and starts to cry a little bit, I'll go to put her pacifier in her mouth and she'll pull her adorable smile on me. Then I blank... suddenly I'm holding her in my arms when I had totally decided to be strong and leave her in bed to sleep. Hopefully I learn more control as she gets older, I can't let her know my weaknesses! 

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