Six weeks ago this little girl was born, a baby that Husband and I had been looking forward to having for nine long months. We had actually been trying to get pregnant for nine months before that as well. It is surreal to think that this culmination of emotions and expectations is in the past now. I still can't believe that Squeaker is here now, growing and learning outside of me.
My last post was a little negative, so I decided to start describing my little girl and the wonderful life we have started with her in it. Breastfeeding, though difficult, is completely worth it. Everytime I feed her, change her diaper, play with her, or help her drift off to sleep I am filled with a sense of accomplishment and I know I am doing my best to raise her with love. She has started to talk, gurgle and mumble incomprehensibly, but none the less I love seeing her try to connect to the world around her and communicate. She has also begun to show visible signs of recognizing Husband and I, which is simply amazing. To look into the eyes of my little baby and see her look back, smile, and follow me as I move around has become my favorite part of motherhood so far. I can't wait to find more favorite things! My friend recently posted on her blog about how she raises her two-year-old sons, letting them be free to play, explore, and be messy on their own sometimes. I honestly am so excited for Squeaker to start playing like this and be creative.
I love having Squeaker home with us, even though she still insists on sleeping the best during the day and getting me up around every three hours at night. We're working on a better schedule though, which I will describe in my next post. No matter how much I love it, I still somehow can't believe that I am a mother and the little girl I hold in my arms will someday be a two-year-old too. I think it might come down to the fact that this seems to be the next natural step in my life. In a way becoming a wife also had a surreal feel to it and I would accidentally sign my maiden name instead of my new name, but now I don't even think about my maiden name anymore. There is a way in which these steps of life both feel natural and also take some getting used to. When I went to the dentist yesterday and I was asked, "What is your current occupation?" I almost instinctively said "student", only to remember that I am graduated and in fact I don't know what to say in response to that question anymore. "Homemaker", "Mother", ....?
In some ways it is weird to change, but I can't help but feel that this is what I'm supposed to be doing and I haven't ever been happier. I guess I'll keep figuring it out as I go and look forward to further confusion/surrealism.